What You Don't See

I didn't feel like being inventive tonight, so you guys get a first peek at my next song which I can hopefully record live without much editing tomorrow!

WHAT YOU DON'T SEE

by Stephen Johnson

I saw you at the coffee shop

Last Wednesday down on Main Street

With your hair up, you were studying with your friends

I thought I'd go say "Hi"

Or something inviting like "How've you been?"

But I knew it won't be long 'till I see you again

Because you're always there for me, I'm always there for you

And no one can can tear us apart

Our friendship can't be tainted by anyone at all

You light up my life

You don't know what you mean to me

It tears me up inside how wonderful you are.

I'm truly happy for you, to see you with him

To see your face light up

The second he's through the door

Because I know how it feels

To know someone so wonderful

But it hurts so much to know we could have more

You told me today

He left you in the cold last night

That he wouldn't answer the questions that you had

I don't know why

Anyone would leave you behind

But I know it was his loss to leave you there like that

Let's go out and get coffee

I'll buy you your favorite kind

I hope it helps to know that you've got friends who care

You know you don't deserve him

You deserve someone so much better

And you should know if you need me, I'll always be there

There's gotta be something

That he is missing out on

Something deep within you that he doesn't see

And I can relate

So much to what you're going through

Because I don't see what you don't see in me

No, I don't see what you don't see in me.

Sleep: INSOMNIA

German: X

Clarinet: X

Exercise: ABUF

Blogging: X

Next project (starting tomorrow): 1 hr. daily reading

Trust them. They're experts.

It's something that we don't often think about others because of our own preoccupations, but most people are experts in something. I've spoken with my friend Karen Kavett a lot about our respective areas of expertise. We have a great deal in common, both being avid artists in our fields, but we also have a lot of stark differences, her being a graphic artist and me being a musician. It baffles me how much focus it takes to train one's eyes to be a good artist, how much finesse it takes to make a perfect brush stroke, and on the same token, she has mentioned how she just doesn't know where to start when listening to a piece of music.

So what occurs to me in all of these discussions is that people think as hard about other things as I think about music. When my mother watches HGTV, for example, it just astonishes me that Holmes on Homes knows so much about home inspection requirements, and I have to imagine the stacks and stacks of books he goes through in planning and understanding them. It also blows my mind when even he has to bring in experts to check his work, like his circuit breaker installation specialist--seriously, they seem simple, but if they need their own expert, they can NOT be simple!

I suppose what I'm saying is that for every field of expertise, there will, therefore, be an expert. Sounds crazy, I know! The tough thing that we have to accept, though, is that most of the time, we do have to trust them.

Sleep: X

Clarinet: X

German: X

Exercise: R (Sunday is my designated day of rest from exercise)

Blogging: X

Failure to Launch

I first heard this phrase in the movie by the same name, which I did, unfortunately, see. I'm not personally one for trite romantic comedies--though I will readily admit to enjoying the good ones, ladies--but I feel like the meaning of the phrase identifies concisely what happens on days like today.

I slept very lightly last night, for unexplained reasons. The only reasoning that seems consistent is that it is hard to sleep during a full moon, though I hardly desire to give that any credence. Somehow, though, I do always end up losing sleep on a full moon (or really any very bright moon phase.) My hypothesis is that the moon seems to shine straight on my face through my bedroom window, as if to spite me, or to inspire a vampire to stalk me--I'm not entirely sure which.

In any case, as I have said earlier, lack of sleep causes me to lose any motivation. I had trouble waking up at the proper hour this morning, which made it so that I could not run, as the air was very nearly drinkable by the time I was conscious. As a result, I really had nothing to do until lunchtime, at which point my brother left for university (he's growing up!) and I had the house to myself until 9:00 PM when my parents returned.

As a result, the only thing my brain wanted to focus on was getting a song recorded for prompt release on YouTube (probably doing the video tomorrow.) This means that I had no will power to practice clarinet or to do my German lesson. I fully intended to exercise after the sun went down, as well, but failed to remember that Doctor Who aired at 9:00, and that show has become sacred family time.

So the point of this blog was not to make excuses, but it certainly was to try and explain what happened. Only through understanding our failures can we find our way to success. My question for you folk, however, is whether I should be ashamed of having accomplished nothing today. After all, I did produce something--I was not spending the whole day twiddling my thumbs on the internet. I also technically did not breach my exercise contract, as I have exercised 4 out of 7 days this week. However, I did not complete my 30-day goals, with the exception of this lone blog. Is this something I should fret over, or should I write it off as taking a weekend break? If I choose the "weekend break" option, is that really a reason or an excuse? My Catholic guilt is starting to show...

Sleep: O

Clarinet: O

German: O

Exercise: O

Blogging: X

Serving Up a Slice of Humble Pie

I had a conversation today with a good friend of mine (won't mention whom) about what, exactly, arrogance is. You see, this particular friend of mine has gotten to be accomplished and recognized in his field, which also happens to be a field I am pursuing. Now, he and I have remained in very close contact and I consider him one of my best friends, so needless to say, I am honored to be among the "inner circle" (and, of course, I am not terribly far behind, myself.)

In our conversation today, however, the topic arose about whether his mentioning his achievements is actually arrogant. Surely we can all think of examples of what is definitely arrogance and what is definitely not, but there is a lot of grey area in between to be discussed (incidentally, the computer from which I am typing prefers "gray" to "grey," but I refuse to change!) If someone asks, for example, whether I am a very good musician, I am not sure of the most appropriate way to respond; I go to a highly renowned school, I place among the top 50% in auditions there, and earn myself top grades in most classes I take, but is it okay for me to call myself "very good?" I feel like there's something to be said for the bible verse which reads "He who exalts himself shall be humbled, and he who humbles himself shall be exalted."

However, there is also a false humility, which can be almost as dangerous as arrogance. Not recognizing one's accomplishments, in a sense, is not accepting oneself for what one is; whatever makes one unusual should generally be celebrated and be incorporated into one's life in a healthy manner. It is self-deprecating to intentionally deny oneself of the recognition and/or praise one deserves, almost as if believing one does not actually deserve it at all.

Still, there is a lot to be accounted for in "the eye of the beholder." People make various assumptions about others, whether founded or not. I can think of an example from my senior year of high school, in which my band played Blue Shades by Frank Ticheli, which features a clarinet solo in the style of Benny Goodman toward the end. My band director held auditions for the solo, and I won the spot. In performance, he also followed a common tradition for the piece, in which the clarinet soloist stands up and plays in front of the band. Rumors spread like wildfire that I was arrogant for having taken the spot and that I thought I was better than the rest of the band, when, in fact, I had only been asked to do so by the band director (though, of course, I was not going to refuse the opportunity!) Do these assumptions, therefore, mean that I am arrogant? Certainly not, or at least I would not say so. However, they do make me arrogant in the eyes of those people, which is just as bad to them, whether I really am or not.

So just what is arrogance? I suppose the best answer is that one can only know what is on one's conscience, and at the end of the day, that is what matters. I suppose the best way to summarize it is to borrow from many a celebrity and say "keep it real."

Sleep: X
German: X
Clarinet: X
Exercise: ABUF
Blogging: X

A (Top Secret) Letter to Mozart

Dear Mozart,

I respect you ever so much as a musician. You have turned out some of the best music in our tradition. Your name is recognizable to even the least educated musician, at least in the Western Hemisphere. Your achievements are numerous: writing an overture the night before the opening of the opera to which it belonged (and this was long before the advent of computer notation), writing the current record-holder for most lines able to be used in invertible counterpoint (5 lines total!), six hundred and twenty-five pieces to your name, and above all that, you proved to all musicians that we can do that on the free market rather than having to find a rich aristocrat to fund our lifestyle.

That being said, I do have a bone to pick with you. With musical talent at such a premium these days, it leads me to wonder whether you were a little... overzealous, perhaps, with your use of "the muse." Now, few people know this, but the muse will come to us musicians at unexpected times and grant us certain amounts of inspiration. I am a little suspicious of how very much "the muse" gave to you, seeing as no one before or after has been quite so prodigious OR impeccable in their music creation. This, therefore has led me to the following conclusion:

You bribed the muse. It's the only explanation. I cannot figure out how or when, but you have to have trapped her and coerced her into bestowing upon you such a spontaneous creative ability. This is reinforced by the fact that you had no other real competition at the time other than Haydn (who was very mechanical in his treatment of music) and Salieri (who was clearly uninspired). I suspect that what you did was to distract either them or the muse herself when she was bestowing her gifts so as to take their rations for yourself. I'm on to you, Wolfy!

This is what I propose, therefore. Seeing as your music at the time of your death was even more inspired than the music of your early years, there was surely an increasing supply, causing a surplus, of the muse's gifts. All I ask is that you tell us classically trained musicians where your stock is so that we can distribute it evenly among deserving musicians everywhere. Or, if you want to keep this quiet, drop an extra life's worth of muse in that box on the corner--you know the one. I'll keep my lips sealed as long as I get my share. I look forward to your response.

Yours musically,

Stephen Johnson

Sleep: X

German: X

Clarinet: X

Exercise: OBLF (I realized I wasn't taking account of flexibility training, so I'm adding that as "F")

Blogging: X

TinyChat

So, there's this brand-new invention that has simultaneously increased awesome and decreased productivity. It is a great new way to meet new people, connect in real time with online friends, and, best of all, have trolls come by who clearly have nothin' on you. This wonderful site is called TinyChat.

Tiny Chat is a great site in which up to 12 people can chat in real time on webcams and many more can participate in a text-based chatroom occurring below the video. But what's so wonderful about it is that it's making all of our YouTube friends ever so close. These guys are seriously turning into my best friends. We sit and chat and the hours FLY by. Seriously. I was on for almost four hours today and it seemed like nothing at all.

The best thing about the relationships I'm forming is how supportive they are. The followers of this blog are largely the people who go to TinyChat, and they'll often remind me of the goals I set forth herein and hold me to it. People today even reminded me of my 11:00 deadline... which I'm only sort-of making in posting this, but it's a HUGE step!

I guess I should just wrap this up by saying TinyChat is awesome, and any of you are welcome to come by. We really let pretty much anyone in, even subscribers who don't make videos and just like us. We've made friends with people who only watch our videos, even, and some people who just randomly stop by our rooms. It's an awesome place and I feel so blessed to be able to use it. I love, love, love my friends!

Sleep: X

German: /

Clarinet: X

Excercise: ABU

Blogging: X

So, there's this brand-new invention that has simultaneously increased awesome and decreased productivity. It is a great new way to meet new people, connect in real time with online friends, and, best of all, have trolls come by who clearly have nothin' on you. This wonderful site is called TinyChat.

Tiny Chat is a great site in which up to 12 people can chat in real time on webcams and many more can participate in a text-based chatroom occurring below the video. But what's so wonderful about it is that it's making all of our YouTube friends ever so close. These guys are seriously turning into my best friends. We sit and chat and the hours FLY by. Seriously. I was on for almost four hours today and it seemed like nothing at all.

The best thing about the relationships I'm forming is how supportive they are. The followers of this blog are largely the people who go to TinyChat, and they'll often remind me of the goals I set forth herein and hold me to it. People today even reminded me of my 11:00 deadline... which I'm only sort-of making in posting this, but it's a HUGE step!

I guess I should just wrap this up by saying TinyChat is awesome, and any of you are welcome to come by. We really let pretty much anyone in, even subscribers who don't make videos and just like us. We've made friends with people who only watch our videos, even, and some people who just randomly stop by our rooms. It's an awesome place and I feel so blessed to be able to use it. I love, love, love my friends!

Sleep: X

German: /

Clarinet: X

Excercise: ABU

Blogging: X