Another cold

This is the second time in two months I've been sick. I don't like it. I don't usually get sick this often... I don't think so, at least.

Anyway, as often happens when I get sick, I start to falter on my goals; I don't know what to think of it this time, because I'm trying to get back on track! I suppose the only thing I can do at the present is sleep, because that's what my body needs to get over this as quickly as possible.

What's most disappointing is that I actually did record music today, and I got a bunch done. I guess the best I can hope for is that I won't have a crackly or low voice tomorrow. It hasn't completely dropped yet, so I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and drink a lot of tea with honey.

On another note, I have just absolutely loved the response to my new video. I was worried whether people would interpret it as I intended, being mostly funny with a dash of hopeful, or as someone just being an attention whore. The fact that people still seem to understand that I'm just being myself makes me so much more comfortable in Limonshire (as if I wasn't comfortable enough already.)

At least I blogged today, no?

Sleep: X

Clarinet: O

German: O

Exercise: O

Reading: O

Blogging: X

Recommittal

So it's been a while since I've blogged, and that's kind of brought on (and been brought on by) a wave of inconsistencies in my life. I went to VidCon, and just after somewhat recovering from that, I went to Erica's house for Paige's birthday, so needless to say, my body has been on vacation for about two weeks straight. With approximately one month left until going to school in which I am taking one more week of vacation, I have my work cut out for me.

I figure the best thing to do is to reassess what I am doing and what I want to do. The fact of the matter is that I want to continue all of the projects that I started earlier; clarinet is incredibly important now, exercise needs to be continued, I want to finish my course in German, I need to read a LOT more than I have, and sleep is the only way to get all these done. However, realizing that summer is drawing to a close, I also want to record all the music that I can while I still have access to the instruments at my house, as when I return to school, I will once again only have my clarinets and my piano, and probably no income to get the others. I could, of course, borrow instruments from friends, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

So what this means is that I need to reassess what I've been doing with my time, how to reschedule it without going insane (keeping in mind I *am* still on summer break!), and what goals are reasonable within the constraints I set.

One thing I have noticed is that when I exercise in the morning, it makes my day start so much better, so I am going to continue trying to get out before it's too hot outside for a jog. This is something I've been really slack on since vacation, so I already know I have to get somewhat back in shape. My goal is to also compress the activities into a shorter time span, as I have noticed I spend much of my exercise time lost in thought and not exercising. Hopefully this way I can open up some time for when my brain recovers.

I have also noticed a propensity for sitting mindlessly at the computer, not really watching any videos and not really participating in any community via skype--mostly just sitting. This is probably related to sleep, and I am much closer to being back on schedule, so I am really going to have to be strict again about my sleep schedule.

So what I need to do, basically, is really assess what I'm accomplishing at any given time. I also have to remember that relaxation can be a compliment, but I can only relax if I've done something. That being said, I think I need to be more aware that weekends still exist and I don't have to hold myself to the strictness of daily activities, as suggested by the 30-day numberless calendar.

So here's what I think I'm going to do for a few days: carry a moleskine around and record what I'm doing with starting time and end times. At the end of the day, when I blog, I'll assess (for my own good, not necessarily in the blog) what I spent too much time on and whether what I did was worthwhile. Hopefully this will shed some light on what I can do to get what I want done.

In the meantime, I have lunch to eat and music to record, so I'll catch you guys later!

Sleep: O -- but much closer to an X than in recent history!

Clarinet: once my fingers are tired of guitar

German: once my lips are tired of clarinet

Reading: once my brain is tired of German

Exercise: R

Blogging: X

Florida Party.

Can't blog. Too much awesome. IRL YouTubers next to my face. Too much love. Good night.

Sleep: X

Clarinet:O

German:O

Reading: X

Exercise: OBLF

Blogging: X?

Steve Angry!

So last night I could not sleep and it was just terrible. I hope I'm still not on VidCon time a week after the fact. In any case, I may have to break down and take the evil Tylenol PM tonight to just force myself to sleep when my body doesn't want to.

Because I slept in, I had to run in the evening, and running has become more and more of a time for my brain to work in rapid-fire mode, and more and more this is where I get my video ideas. Today I just found myself getting angrier and angrier about the way politics are headed right now.

Some of you may not know this, but Florida right now has the worst campaign I have ever seen. I am not even exaggerating. I thought it was a tough choice between John Kerry and George Bush for who was the lesser of two evils, but this one really takes the cake. Unfortunately, I haven't really gathered my thoughts or done much research to be able to make a valid point, so I will not say much, but Rick Scott and Bill McCollum are both the very worst choices for Florida Governor I have ever seen. Fortunately they are both Republican, so I will only have to nix one in the final election. Come to think of it, I don't even know who's running for the Democratic party; all the focus has been on Scott vs. McCollum. See? I need to do my research.

Another issue that just gets my blood boiling is the Arizona Immigration Law. This is just such a clearly inhumane law that I cannot believe it was even considered, let alone passed. For those of you who are unaware, the law essentially states that the state government not only has a right to enforce immigration, but the way that it will do so is by requiring all immigrants to have their immigration papers on their person in order to surrender them should an officer be suspicious. First of all, the state does not have a right to do so. It is clearly stated in the constitution that only the federal government has the right and capacity to enforce international matters. Second of all, this is just straight-up racism and bigotry. What bothers me most is that these are the people who say they're protecting our freedoms and what not. Since when has it ever been protecting freedoms to require that anyone of a different skin color prove that they are, in fact, American? That's just awful.

Anyway, before I go on forever, I suppose I should gather my thoughts. Perhaps you'll see this again in video form. It just makes me want to punch someone in the face, that's all.

Sleep: INSOMNIA (that was for you, Ryan)

Clarinet: O

German: O

Exercise: The rare ABULF

Reading: O

Blogging: X

The Choir

So some of you may have noticed that I tweeted yesterday about watching The Choir on BBC America. I know for you British viewers, this show is old news, but it's just making its premiere in the US. I have to say, I don't expect it to be a raving success, but among the crowd of people who watch BBC, I suppose it will do well.

Anyway, this show is just absolutely wonderful for me. As a classical music student training to be a music teacher, I can relate a lot to what Gareth Malone does on the show. In fact, I see a lot of what I want to do in what Gareth does. He's kind of like a straight-haired me who sings instead of playing clarinet. But I can relate a great deal to his struggle--trying to bring classical music out of the bourgeoisie and into the public. He struggles to sell Vivaldi to R&B-loving secondary school students. Similarly, I have a series (which I've been meaning to pick back up) in which I teach the basics of listening to classical music to people who are not familiar with it.

I've been having philosophical struggles with studying classical music myself, and I've been planning on blogging about it, but it's one of those things that I want to do really well and only once, so it will take planning, and sometimes I'm just too lazy to do so. In any case, I do find it inspiring to know that teaching classical music is not a lost cause; you just need the right person and the right kind of personality. Watching Gareth teach, of course, and with how much I relate to him both in teaching style and in musical philosophy, I feel much more comfortable delving into the world of music education.

It's nice to know that watching television can be so inspiring.

Sleep: X

German: X (danke Anabelle!)

Clarinet: X

Exercise: O

Reading: O

Blogging: X

The one about VidCon

Right, so I'm sure it doesn't need to be said, but VidCon was absolutely awesome and I can't wait for the next time it happens. I'm pretty sure this is the kind of thing I would spend way too much money on every time it happens because it was just that good. I'm not even sure where to start talking, and this isn't exactly planned, so I guess the best way is to go in chronological order with room for tangents.

So, for starters, after spending far too long on planes and in shuttles and what not, I got to the hotel at about 4:00 on Saturday. At this point, it felt like the entirety of the Internet was standing in the hotel lobby. I had literally about 15 minutes of complete overload. My thought process was literally like "Oh, look! Dan Brown. And who's that coming up to hug me? Jessica! OMG hi! Wait, is that a Paige I see over there? Let's creep on her for a minute." And so on and so forth. That night was really spent doing a variety of those kinds of things--fangirling, greeting, hugging, etc.

After meeting up with Rohan (RoboFillet), we heard a rumor of preregistration, so we went downstairs to wait in line, and suddenly I found myself in the mix with YouTubers I never thought I'd get more than ten seconds and a picture with--Strawburry17, YourTikken, tyleroakley, etc. This was about the point that I got over the shock of meeting a bunch of people who had been on my screen and realized that they're even cooler to hang out with than they are to watch. We ended up just sitting in line and chatting, especially because the line for over-21 was literally not moving. I like to think that I made some friends there, but I guess only time will tell.

So Friday had a lot of the events that I was interested in. It was centered around the community and the technology of YouTube, and what people have done with it. There were lots of talks about commenting and getting active involvement. I especially liked Buck's talk about how hate comments and praise comments are generally equally free of substance.

As far as our free time went, I generally found myself in a group with Paige, Rohan, Adam, Karen, Robyn (when she wasn't writing her novel...), Tyler, and Kayley. It was definitely strange for me, basically having the lowest profile of any of them, but I nonetheless had a blast and honestly can't wait until I get to meet every one of them again. I think that was the best part about VidCon; I really got to solidify my URL relationships as IRL relationships.

I did have one incredibly awkward fangirlish moment, I must admit, with Julia Nunes. I was buying a shirt for a friend to have Julia sign--it was awkward enough not buying something for myself--and I got a picture with her. Her booth was pretty empty, so in a fit of strange confidence, I just told her straight-up that I had a huge friend crush on her and asked her if we could be friends. Her response was pretty obviously confused, and she tried to play it off by saying "Sure..." but I knew I had killed any chance that I had. Oh well; maybe some day I'll write a song that gets popular on YouTube and she might see it and give me a second chance.

Now Saturday was when things got pretty strange and surreal for me. The group I was with generally agreed that we weren't interested in much of the programming; John described it well when he said that Friday was more for the Nerdfighter crowd and Saturday was more for the "autograph" crowd. The programming consisted of the likes of Shane Dawson, iJustine, ShayCarl, and the like; it's not that I don't think they're worthy or anything, but they are in a very different community with a very different mission than I tend to have, so I simply wasn't interested.

So in attending few of the events on Saturday, I somehow ended up all sorts of places I never expected. Kristina Horner came to hang out with us, which in itself wasn't too surprising since Kayley was, but she wasn't really someone I expected to meet. It also turns out I never introduced myself, and when I did, she said she recognized my username (which was flattering) and said that I seemed cool and most of her friends seemed to like me, so she just went with it.

We somehow ended up in Alex Day's hotel room. He was very confused as to where all these people came from, but didn't kick us out. Ah, well. In any case, as it was around dinner time, so Johnny ordered pizza and it was around that time that I realized how incredibly lucky I was to be around all of these people. I also reconfirmed that I wasn't happy because I was "schmoozing with the stars" but because these were genuinely nice people that I related to in many ways--hence why I watch their videos.

The concerts at night were equally interesting in their dichotomy. Friday night's concert was a ukulele- and nerd-ridden night, opening with Molly Lewis and moving on through most of the Sons of Admirals, Hank Green, and All Caps. I'm sure I'm forgetting someone, but that's the basic crowd. The next night featured many of the more popular musicians on YouTube, such as DaveDays, David Choi, Julia Nunes, etc. There was a hip-hop group for which the crowd kind of gave a collective shrug. It was a beautifully awkward moment in which Twitter exploded with people remarking both how strange the performers were and how interestingly Hank could dance.

That night probably had one of the most consummate moments of my weekend. It was just a strange, jam-packed experience. I was hanging out in the lobby after the concert and ran into John Green (who is incredibly kind and treated me like a friend; I've never known whether he actually watches my videos after subscribing, and I guess he does!) John was exhausted (with good reason) and decided that he wanted to go to the bar. The only people over 21 there were me, Emily, and Rohan, so we jumped on the opportunity. Eventually Cody and Eric showed up, and I had a lot of fun talking to those guys. Hopefully one day we'll all get to meet up again. Anyway, since the bar was closing, we had to leave, and I hung out in the lobby a little more after that. When I left the lobby and returned to my room, I fully expected Rohan and Adam to be asleep, but they most definitely were not. It turned out they had been hanging out with Tessa in my room; I was a little disappointed, honestly, because she was one of the people that had many fans coming up to interrupt her experience (and I didn't want to) but I wanted to be her friend. I introduced myself and she said to send her a message, which I did, so we'll see what comes of it.

Anyway, Sunday was equally fun, watching the World Cup final with John's commentary. He actually had the mic off, but he sat near us, so I got to hear it anyway! The rest of the day kind of turned sad though, as people were leaving and stuff to do got more and more scarce.

All in all, I'd say VidCon was a wonderful experience, and I hope this wasn't too lengthy for you, but I figured that people who were interested would read anyway. I hope that VidCon can happen again sometime soon, though I hear it may be at least two years, as LeakyCon is next year. We'll see. No matter when it happens, you can bet I'll do my best to get there.

Sleep: X

Clarinet: X

German: O

Exercise: ABUF

Reading: O

Blogging: X

I'm back!

So I'm back now. Did you miss me?

I had a lovely time at VidCon with lots of lovely people, but that's not what I'm going to talk about today, namely because I don't have the time right now to include everything I want to include, but I hope to get a real update in the near future. I also expect to be making a video on the subject, but you can plan on me being much more detailed and emotionally honest in blog form, so never you fear. I feel like my vlogs are generally for entertainment and discussion of specific topics, whereas my blogs here are more just me filling you in on my life.

What I really want to talk about though is my schedule and how it's been thrown off, and also how it's not really going to be getting any better until probably next Monday. You see, at VidCon I was almost never asleep, and then I left and took an all-night flight in which I probably slept a total of 1 hour. To make up for it, I slept all day yesterday and only had the strength of will to test my push-up endurance to begin week 3 of the push-up program, as I only missed one day therein. I had to bump myself back a week on squats because I missed two of the three days while at VidCon. I also realize this is a breach of contract, and I suppose I should pay a fine for it... any ideas?

Today it was a fight to push myself back on schedule, and I had to keep certain things in mind, such as the fact that after 5 days of no clarinet playing, I had to re-learn the instrument and couldn't practice as long. In addition, as I am still recovering from sleep deprivation, my attention span was quite near nothing--reading was nearly impossible (though I tried) and German was out of the question. I did, however, get in my BLF (didn't wake up early enough for A and it was raining this evening so I couldn't run late.)

In conclusion, I have to remember that it's not a failure to have trouble getting back into routine, and the important thing is that I am keeping my routine in mind and trying to get back into it. As for the present, I am going to finish this so that I can at least attempt to make my bedtime--though I may have to take an evil sleep aid again to make that happen!

Sleep: O

Clarinet: .5

German: O

Reading: .5

Exercise: OBLF

Blogging: X

Awesome Eve

So, I'm not tired. I'm not going to lie. I'm never tired the day before I fly, and especially not when the place I'm flying to is the place where dreams come true.

I've been going back and forth between procrastinating and exhausting myself in preparation.

I have to be up at 5:30 in the morning.

Tonight's gonna suck.

Sleep: X (sort of... woke up by 10, so I was a little thrown off, but still met the letter of the law)

German: O

Clarinet: O

Reading: O (probably most of the night)

Exercise: ABUF

Blogging: X

PS--I'm not sure whether I'm going to blog while at VidCon, and won't count myself off for anything I miss, except that I will do my best to get at least my push-ups and squats in.

VidCon Excitement

I know that at this point talk of VidCon is probably going to annoy anyone who is not going, as such a discussion is virtually impossible to avoid as the days draw nearer. However, please tolerate it from my end, because you have to understand: this is going to be the experience of a lifetime, and I would be lying to say that I am not excited.

Now, there are several reasons I am excited. The first, and by far most important, is that almost all of my YouTube friends will be in one place at one time. I get to meet them all in real life, to hug them, to laugh with them, and to just have an all-around good time with people who have become some of my very closest friends. Many of our plans center around this occasion; heck, I've even gotten myself into a dance-off, for which I have to make my entry in the first round tomorrow via video. I can not wait to just experience the love that we'll all be throwing back and forth at each other. I would honestly be unsurprised if someone were able to harness this energy and create the armies of puppy-sized elephants mentioned in my PSA.

However, I would be remiss not to mention that my versions of celebrities will be in my presence, and I will be fangirling over them to an extent. The wonderful thing about many of these people, however, is that the reason I fangirl is because I want so badly to be their friends, purely for the sake of friendship. Sure, I'd love to be popular on YouTube, but the way I'd measure that anyway is the love that I feel from my friends and viewers, not from the numbers of people who subscribe or watch, or what famous YouTubers are subscribed to me. Sure, it would make my life a lot easier to have an income from a YouTube partnership, but to make that a goal of mine would be compromising my values; I would not be opposed to getting money for YouTube, but I am quite opposed to doing YouTube for the money.

The reason I enjoy YouTube in the first place is the human, interactive aspect of it; celebrity worship gets under my skin more than many things on this earth. I don't love YouTubers because of their lavish lifestyles; I don't love YouTubers because of their ability to help me escape the world as it is. That is why people love "old media" celebrities. I love YouTubers because they see the world as it is and are members of it as it is--and, most of all, seek to make it all better in real life. I love them because they are real, they are complex, they are deeper than a small set of ideals. And that is why I am so looking forward to VidCon. It is not a magic fantasy world where gods walk the earth, but rather the most beautiful of realities. The love we have for each other is tangible and deep. And though it will only last three days in reality, I'm sure VidCon will only serve to deepen our friendships for life.

Sleep: X

Clarinet: X

German: /

Exercise: OBLF

Reading: X

Blogging: X

Sir with the American Flag

Dear Sir with the American Flag,

Every morning, I see you while I take my morning run. Every morning, you glare at me reprovingly as you hang your American flag proudly in front of your garage. Every morning, you avoid the friendly hello I want to give you because you are so preoccupied with your patriotic duty to raise the flag.

Now, I know there is no way for me to know what you actually think about me, but due to the way the scene always unfolds, I feel like you are judging me for not being as patriotic as you are. Perhaps you are concerned that I care less for the country and its ideals than you do. Perhaps you had a stint in the armed forces and feel that I am not dedicated enough to lay down my life for my country. Perhaps you are right.

You see, when someone dismisses me as you are for not vowing myself to a set of ideals, I am much less motivated to abide by the aforementioned ideals. Especially when these ideals that they promote are the opposite of the ideals they say they are promoting; Christian government leadership abolishes religious freedom, reduced taxes increases big business's control of the government, and "family values" threaten to tear apart the nuclear family as we know it. In addition, creating a set of ideals which separates itself from the people inherently dismisses the people as somehow less than human; it is a method by which governments gain more and more control over the lives of its citizens. By creating a set of ideals, you create a way by which we can deem who is "worthy" of calling themselves American--and I've always learned that America is a refuge for people considered unworthy by their own nations.

So pardon me for disapproving of your totalitarian agenda, disguised behind your mantra of freedom and liberty. Pardon me for thinking of my country as a beacon of hope for all of the oppressed citizens of the world. Pardon me for assuming that when the founding fathers set up our government, they meant for our government to represent its people, who all have different opinions and have a right to them.

Perhaps you want me to leave the country for thinking differently than you. Well, if this is the country you live in, so be it. And I hope you cling tightly to your American flag; soon, it may be all you have.

God bless America. We need it.

-Steve

Sleep: X

Clarinet: after lunch

German: after lunch

Exercise: ABUF

Reading: Sometime...

Blogging: X

Tylenol PM

Last night, while having dinner with my cousins (my aunt and uncle like to be my surrogate parents when my parents are out of town) I mentioned my sleeping problem to my aunt (a pediatrician). She recommended that I take Tylenol PM to get to sleep. Now, I have taken Tylenol PM in the past, and when I take the recommended dosage, lots of bad things happen.

First of all, my brain goes nuts when I try to go to sleep--I start thinking all sorts of unexplainable, half-dream thoughts that in retrospect make no sense (i.e. "I have to sleep in this position, otherwise the music notes will be pushed off the edge of my bed and I'll have to clean them up in the morning.") I dream incredibly vividly (meaning I remember them clearer, and they're generally more fantastic.) Most of all, I am entirely incapable of waking up in the morning; I am not one to sleep in at all, but after taking Tylenol PM, I have slept in as late as 1:00 in the afternoon.

My mother has frequently recommended that I take only one dose of Tylenol PM, but usually when I take it, it is for to take care of symptoms I have, which means I want the full effect. So last night, when my only symptom was frequent insomnia, I only took one. Turns out the effect is no different!

So my question for you guys is: is there ANYTHING else I can take that will knock me out without destroying my sleep schedule?

Sleep: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clarinet: X

German: X

Reading: O

Exercise: R

Blogging: X

Clever title.

Hey, guess what, friends? I did everything I needed to today before 4:30 PM so that I could go hang with the cousins. I am a productivity maniac.

I honestly don't have much to talk about, though, because I'm so tired from insomnia last night, not to mention that I was up a little late uploading my video. Thank you, by the way, to everyone who tweeted or otherwise shared it; it never ceases to make me happy when I get that kind of appreciation, and the response has been really positive.

As you can probably guess, all I really can think about right now is VidCon and sleep, and I don't want to bore you to tears (nor prolong my wait for either), so I think I'm just going to turn in early. See you all tomorrow!

Sleep: O

German: X

Clarinet: X

Exercise: ABLF

Blogging: X

Blah.

It's a new day!

And I did nothing in it except for my BUF. Hah.

Basically, I spent most of my morning working out VidCon logistics, which have turned out to be more complicated than expected. All should be well, though, and life will be wonderful once I'm in LA!

The afternoon was spent in video creation--and this video should be wonderful. It's exporting now. I'm excited.

And finally the evening was spent with cousins eating dinner.

But hey, after 30 days, I think I deserve a freebie. And I think you'll agree after seeing the video... once it's up.

Sleep: INSOMNIA. SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE HECK.

Clarinet: O

German: O (except for random German videos and several renditions of Der Hölle Rache after coming across a terrible rock one...)

Exercise: OBUF

Blogging: X

The 30th Day

Today was a massive success. And the point of my blog today is to review the successes and failures of the last month.

Let's start with the goals I've had the longest: blogging, sleeping, and clarinet-playing. The biggest success of those was blogging by a long shot--I only missed one day. Clarinet playing was the next, though I admit, there were some days when I only practiced 45 minutes or an hour, which may sound like a lot to you guys, but I promise that I need at LEAST two hours to play at the level I need to hold myself to. Finally, sleep, which failed on several occasions due to various physical and moral failures, was generally a success, but could be improved.

I realize that I still have a week left for my month of German, but this has definitely been what I have the most O's in by a LOT. It seems to have been generally put on the back burner, and the reason appears to be that to do the lessons, I need internet, and if I have internet, I also have YouTube, Gmail, Twitter, Facebook, and Dailybooth... a lot of distractions. I am not exactly sure how I can remove this temptation except for understanding it, expecting it, and taking preemptive action against it. I'll try setting up a rewards program for myself, such as, "When I finish the first vocabulary-building section, I may check Twitter ONCE or watch ONE YouTube video." This way, I still get what I am tempted to do instead of the lesson, but keep the lesson my focus.

Reading seems to be falling into the same kind of category--namely because when I read, my mind is still creatively churning and I can't focus on the book. I'm not entirely sure how to counteract this one, but I still have most of the next 30 days to figure it out!

Exercising I have also only just started, but my body is already quite used to it, craving it even (I did end up doing the extra set of push-ups and curl-ups yesterday). The magical thing I'm finding about the exercise is that it really gets my blood pumping, which makes my body want to do things. It makes me so much more conscious, and my brain starts firing ideas at me. It's wonderful.

Finally, one major pastime to which I lose the bulk of my motivation is watching 30 Rock. That brilliant, wonderful show just sucks me in and continues to make me laugh so embarrassingly loud as very little else can. Today, I noticed, I had so much more time to do things, having NOT watched ANY 30 Rock. Therefore, I will self-impose a limit of two episodes a day, which must be decidedly not in rapid succession--the temptation would be too great to continue the streak, and it would also not quench my thirst later on when I want to see it.

And it seems like the general notion is that I pose no nuisance in continuing my blogging, and generally have readers who desire to catch up--though I did only hear from two people, I'm assuming anyone who wanted me to stop would just end up ignoring my posts anyway. So I'm going to be blogging for the next 30 days, at least (with the exception of next Thursday to Sunday, when I'll be at VidCon.) See you all tomorrow!

Sleep: X

Clarinet: X

German: X

Excercise: ABLF

Blogging: X