Friday, June 3, 2011

30 DoB 12: Story Time!

Just a quick update on yesterday before going on into today's activity: contrary to my expectations, I actually finished The Fellowship of the Ring yesterday. Today, I re-started Mr. Toppit and expect to be through it tomorrow--I'm already just past halfway done, and I have plenty of time left to read. Tomorrow I hope to make a video. I've been wanting to make one for a while, I just haven't really known what I wanted to talk about, so I think I might just do it tomorrow and see what happens. As for waking up, I tried something really daring this morning and woke up earlier than usual and it was much, much easier, actually. I suppose I just picked a strange time of the morning as far as my biological clock goes to wake up, so if I wake up earlier, I'm fine. Of course, that does mean I'll have to go to sleep earlier, but I've kind of been wanting to do that anyway. My body just doesn't work on the normal college student's schedule, I suppose. Anyway! On with the story.

THE TALE OF _________
Once upon a time in a far away land lived a species of animal called the Zarkski. The Zarkski were an unusual species which had a triangular head with bulbous puppy eyes in the upper corners, a stout orange beak, long, spiny arms and short, stumpy legs, each ended with a narrow claw for burrowing. They had a plume of spines on their backs and shiny, pitch-black fur covering every square inch of their bodies. They had such a strange collection of features that the first full remains discovered by human scientists were affectionately referred to as "Henry the Praying Puffin-Hedgehog-Mantis." Believe it or not, the Zarkski were the first sentient beings in the solar system, though their society had long fallen into oblivion by the time any other sentient beings had been around to notice. They had a vast system of underground tunnels and actually developed the fastest route from one side of the world to the other by cutting through it rather than across its surface.

In the Middle Age of the Zarkski, there was a Zarkskino named Simon, a favored youth in his burrowpolis for his supreme athletic skill. He was so adept at clay-burrowing that when Mayor Ricardo signed the bill which would add 3 miles to the Western Burgh, Simon was the first he called on.

Simon began work immediately and burrowed for three days straight, already nearly 30 yards into the project, when suddenly he felt his claw catch on something. He knew he was too deep to be finding iron ore, but it felt very similar, according to his refined senses. He dug around the obstacle and discovered, much to his surprise, the largest trove of unicorn chocolate he had ever seen. He knew this would be big news, but did not know who to tell, as he remembered the Great Unicorn Chocolate Rush of 552 from his Zarkski history books and was not tempted to repeat such a tragedy. After some deliberation, Simon ran to his childhood friend Yaneli's house to ask for her input.

"Unicorn chocolate?" she asked doubtfully.

"At least two quaxios of it!" Simon insisted.

"This is big," Yaneli said. "Maybe we should talk to Isabel?"

"She's the biggest loudbeak in town!"

"I suppose you're right."

"Yaneli, do you know what this means? I could have all the towels in the world if I sold it."

"I do know how much you like those towels," Yaneli admitted. Suddenly, she snapped her fingers as if she had had an epiphany. "Let's talk to Elder Juan! He's always been the voice of reason."

Simon jumped out of his seat. "You're right! Make sure you bring one of your famous bowls of chicken soup so that we have something to thank him with."

"How nestroculous of you," Yaneli said, clearly impressed with his courtesy. She grabbed a bowl from the shelf and they were on their way.

When the two arrived at Elder Juan's burrow, they tapped their claws on the oksdig, a device with similar function to a doorbell (as there were no doors.) Elder Juan came to the entrance of the tunnel and greeted them kindly.

"And what brings you here?" he asked, shaking their hands.

"I have a bit of a dilemma," Simon said.

"Oh? Please, come in, sit down!"

"We brought chicken noodle soup for you," Yaneli added as she stepped inside. His burrow was always so tidy and impeccably decorated that it almost felt like they would soil the whole place just by looking at it.

"What seems to be the problem?" Elder Juan asked kindly, bringing bowls for the soup.

"Well, I was digging the tunnel for the new addition the other day," Simon began," when I came across a rather unexpected obstacle."


"Yes... quite."

"Do tell!"

"Well, I was digging, and I felt something that was like iron ore, but I knew it wasn't..."


"Well... itwastwoquaxiosofunicornchocolate."

Elder Juan spat out a mouthful of soup. "Two quaxios of unicorn chocolate?"

"Two quaxios."

"That's unexpected indeed! And think of what that can do for our town!"

"Well, that was my dilemma," Simon said. "I wonder if I came out of the tunnel with two quaxios of unicorn chocolate, wouldn't everyone in town want to start digging hoping they would strike big?"

"Absolutely!" Elder Juan said. "Who wouldn't?"

"Well," said Simon, "What about the Great Unicorn Chocolate Rush of 552?"

"I see why you may be nervous," Elder Juan admitted. "But surely you don't remember the Rush of 573?"

"No, I suppose I don't," said Simon sheepishly, ashamed of the apparent lapse in his knowledge.

"That's because there wasn't one," said Elder Juan, laughing. "But Elder Ricardo did find unicorn chocolate in 573. Five quaxios of it, I'd say."

"Five? How did they avoid a rush?"

"Simple. The Mayor declared that only Elder Ricardo had the right to dig there, and that any treasure he found was his to do with as he pleased."

"But then wouldn't there have been people at his door begging for money?"

"Well, of course! You could hardly expect any less."

"I don't want anyone coming to me begging for money. If I can't pay everyone, then I shan't pay anyone!"

"Then it seems you've made your decision."

Simon was shocked in how quickly he had come to realize what he had to do.

He immediately reported the find to the mayor, who again declared that it was only Simon's right to dig there. Simon went on to find two hundred fifty-three quaxios of unicorn chocolate, all of which he donated to the City, and which was sold at an auction. Because of the auction's success, the city was able to fund an entirely new athletic complex for the school in Simon's honor with top-of-the-line equipment and a full-time staff which also ran several other youth programs, thus reducing crime in the burrowpolis for years after the discovery.

Well, I suppose it was slightly inaccurate to say Simon donated them all. He kept the first two quaxios for his own and traded them for a top hat so that he could fulfill his dream of performing a Fred Astaire hommage, jazz hands and all.

And they all lived happily ever after.
Sleep: X
Blogging: X
Reading: X
Exercise: OOUF


  1. Such a cool little story Steve, I love the audience participation.

  2. clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap...
    that was delightful!